Plastic Faith

Last Saturday I had the “opportunity” to eat at Cracker Barrel. I’m sorry, but I’m just not that into breakfast foods, nor am I that into “country cookin.’” Oh now … come on folks … I need all the help I can get in maintaining a steady but safe decline in my weight. “Country cookin’” does not exactly help.

However, I very much appreciate the chance to file through their “country store.” It certainly has the effect of helping to long for days I have never seen before: the days of authentic rural Americana. On this particular day I even had the opportunity to chat with a fellow for “quite some time,” sitting in rocking chairs on a lazy afternoon. Yes, we solved the world’s problems, but, as always with front porch conversations of this nature, the world wasn’t listening.

Oh well, no matter, I was listening … both to my friend and to the moment. What is so valuable that we rush, rush, rush through life, passing up opportunities like the one at hand, only to find that there’s one more order to fill, one more paper to write, one more problem to solve … alone?

And yet, as I wondered through the country store, I was amazed at all the plastic things for sale. Is plastic really dainty morsel of yesteryear? While I certainly have nothing against plastic per se (the computer I’m typing this on is plastic), often times plastic is merely a cheap time-saver. And in this store, dedicated to whetting the appetite for the best of rural Americana, can cheap time-savers (from rural China, no doubt) really replicate the iron-n-steel wielded by backbones of the same material that actually plowed the lifestyles of yesteryear?

Plastic. Cheap time-savers. With the time saved on the cheap I am now able to rush, rush, rush to fill one more order, write one more paper, and solve one more problem (all alone); so that I can now pay down the balance on my plastic, which I used to buy more plastic things: more cheap time-savers, more imitations of the real-steel of yesteryear.

Unlike my coffee, which doesn’t care if it lives in a plastic cup, made in China that reads, “Proud to be an American,” my soul does care if cheap imitations are used to “save time” in his cultivation. I may think it a mark of ingenuity to rightly divide the word of time into “quality” and “quantity,” but my kids’ self-images will reflect this plastic care. I may think it efficient to simply remove the “problem” person (or people) from my life to promote peace, but when conflict arises in the next relationship there will be no superglue powerful enough to fix my broken, plastic heart. In reality there is no proverbial factory in China that can produce any metaphorical plastic capable of functioning in the Temple of God, which is the “oneness” of the Spirit-redeemed/redeeming relationships among the people of God. He does not build his Temple on the cheap, nor does he expect us to use cheap, time-savers in producing authentic worship. Consider the following real-steel of Paul:

If, then you have been raise with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of god is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do no lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And by thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him (Colossians 3:1-17; ESV).

Bargains are great for basic material things in our lives. When it comes to the heart of Christianity, which are right, redeemed relationships (with God and neighbor), remember that if it is a steal, then it is most likely not the real-steel of Paul. The real-steel of Paul produces pain and anxiety in us and requires sweaty-hard work from us, as the Spirit refashions us into the image of God, described in the passage above. Plastic faith will melt and disintegrate in the blacksmith station of the Holy Spirit, known as the Church.

Exiles and Vagrants from Beverly Hills 90210

Perhaps you remember the evening program on Fox, “Beverly Hills 90210,” from a few years ago. One of my fondest memories was the scene where the highly suspicious dad tracks down his daughter (Shannon Doherty), expecting to find her up to no good with her punkish boyfriend (Luke Perry). Finally one evening, he catches them in the act … the very act … of donating blood together, while on a date.

Yes, I was roped in from the earliest episodes in 1990. After all for a few years they were my peer group. My awkwardness wasn’t a threat to their airbrushed coolness. They shared their struggles with me (and millions of other anonymous viewers around the world). They accepted me for who I was (an anonymous fan, whose name they will never know).

While today I have “real” friends, who really accept me (not the least of whom is my lovely wife), I am deeply grieved over the untold millions of people who find it easier to move to “Beverly Hills 90210″ and other virtual towns like it. It is more rewarding to create an avatar on Facebook or MySpace, or perhaps several, than it is to do the difficult and emotionally painful work of actively participating in building relationships and friendships in real time. Let the pros work out complex relational problems in an hour a week (45 minutes plus commercial breaks). We’ll watch.

About the mid 90s I began seriously follow Jesus once again. I moved out of Beverly Hills 90210; only to find the Spirit of God leading me into the desert. Often times the only rain clouds that formed were in my eyes, as I longed for a real friend group to replace what I had left behind, both in the virtual and real worlds. Jesus did not disappoint, as he brought me into fellowship with other redeemed exiles and vagrants.

You can take me out of Beverly Hills 90210, but taking Beverly Hills 90210 out of me is a bit more of a challenge. I long for those days from time to time when problems worked out flawlessly. I also long for those early days of my true Christian walk, where the friend group God provided me became my oasis-family in the desert of family brokenness. However, the Spirit of God had decided a while ago to pick up camp and move to another part of the desert. Those days of yesteryear are now only a mirage in my imagination. Returning to them is certainly understandable. After all God made us for relationship, and is himself an Eternal Community of Three Persons, living in perfect love and shalom. No, returning to the oasis of yesteryear is not an option. Yet, I am who I am today because of God’s redeeming work in yesteryear. So perhaps yesteryear is a bit more substantial in the here-and-now than a mirage … so long as I grow from it and past it … but not back to it.

To be honest it is a bit difficult at times, when well-meaning people attempt to fit me into an emotionally-airbrushed cheap suit, known as “The Preacher.”  They’ll pay a pro to work out complex problems in an hour a week, and occasionally they’ll show up to watch.

Yet, herein lays perhaps a very rewarding aspect of being a Christian who happens to be in church leadership. I have shared my some of my own struggles from time to time, and it is truly revolutionary for some that the pastor happens to be very human; despite any attempts to create a spiritual avatar. I am very human with very human struggles. Yet my heart is very much in love with the Father, Son, and Spirit. I love the Torah of Jesus. This rewarding aspect of pastoral ministry is showing people in a very real way that both can authentically exist at the same time. In fact that is the nature of Salvation: being authentically transformed in the real world and enabled to love and live for God authentically in the real world. The holy God of Creation wants me to participate in his holy community of Three. The sinless Jesus died for the horrid me that I might become his very righteousness in the great We, that community of other redeemed exiles and vagrants (2 Corinthians 5:21).

I love my friends that currently live in places where I don’t. I remember the thirst of my heart being quenched during the days when I lived where they do now. I hold out hope for authentic friends for my family in the vicinity of wherever we live. However, I refuse to return to Beverly Hills 90210. God’s people are most successful, when wandering through the desert, as exiles and vagrants from Beverly Hills 90210. It is then we can most fully experience the promise of Jesus, spoken to his loyal followers in anticipation of deep persecution, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him” (John 14:23; ESV).

Character and Emotional Intelligence in “Appaloosa”

As dust blows up and down the streets of Appaloosa, so also do feelings rage in the hearts of the characters. The problem is that “feelings will get you killed.” At least that’s what Virgil Cole lectures to his trusted friend and side kick, Everett Hitch, in the recent movie, “Appaloosa.” The movie is a western, taking place close to the turn of the end of the 19th Century in New Mexico territory. Tough times call for tough men, and that means you’re supposed to stuff your feelings.

The town has been taken over … so-to-speak … by the mobster-like rancher, Randall Bragg. Cole and Hitch come into town and are hired to put things back into order, as “The Law.” This is not much of a problem … until Allison French finds her way into town. She successfully attracts Cole, the stalwart mountain of a marshall, into falling for her, which means that a lonely and vulnerable … and unemployed … female has finacial and emotional security. 

She has security until she realizes that Cole could be killed and/or there are other … seemingly bigger … fish to fry … to fill her emotional appetite for the lead stallion in the available herd. In one rather humorous scene, Cole … a man’s man … comes down to find his best friend and confidant, Hitch. Cole is in a bind, as he is forced to help pick the color of the curtains of his and Allie’s new home.

He sends Hitch back down to the house to say hello to Allie and inform her that Cole is not up to this arduous task. She quickly puts the moves on Hitch, who pushes her away. Hitch tells this groping damsel in horney distress, “Allie, you’re with Virgil, and so am I.”

Despite this undercurrent of “As the Appaloosa World Turns,” Cole and Hitch get their break, when one of the Bragg boys defects and agrees to testify against Bragg in a possible capital murder trial. They bring Bragg into custody. Two weeks and some emotionally-trying moments later, Bragg is put on trial and found guilty. Bragg is ordered to be taken by train to his execution site.

During a delay in the train ride, several of Bragg’s mercenaries parade Allie out as their ransom for Bragg’s release. Cole has to make a choice … and goes with his feelings. He releases Bragg for Allie; only to find that they have been duped. The mercenary team did not keep their word … suprise, surprise. Cole and Hitch track the crew until they run up on them … with Allie and Bragg frollicking in the nude in a stream.

Later on after Cole and Hitch get shot-up (not mortally wounded) for sticking to the line of duty in chasing down Bragg and attempting to bring him to justice … Bragg gets a presidential pardon. He moves into Appaloosa and buys the hotel where Allie is employed to play the piano. Allie and Cole have reconciled, though Hitch has tried to explain that Allie is lonely for men in authority. Even still Cole is accepting of Allie where she’s at, and attempts to work with her.

Cole refuses to enter the building now owned by Bragg. Bragg, attempting to smooth things over with ”The Law” explains to Hitch that he is now a “reformed” man … and that if Cole did not come around to working him (Bragg), he might find himself out of a job … hint, hint. Over the next few scenes there is the not-so-subtle hint that Bragg and Allie still have something going on, which Hitch of course notices.

Hitch, who is normally able to navigate these tumultuous waters and bring about harmony with integrity, is not able to reconcile all of these potential pawns in a perfect storm in Appalousa. He attempts to talk Cole into leaving, but to no avail … because of his (blindness) devotion to Allie.

Thus Hitch takes it upon himself to resign his position as deputy and challenge Bragg to a duel, which Hitch wins handidly. He leaves town under his own voice of narration, saying that at least his friend will have no competition for Allie … for the time being.

It seems to me that the one who was most in tune to his emotional undercurrent was the most aware of what was going on around him. Hitch’s emotions … rather than getting him or his people killed … kept them all alive and out of quicksand. He was at least being aware of his emotional undercurrent and successfully navigated it. On the other hand, Cole’s inability to deal with his emotions or navigate them, got him into trouble … and would get him into trouble in the future. He was blinded.

I think this movie has something very powerfully to say to us men, especially us Christian men. I’m not suggesting that we turn ourselves into women. However, I am suggesting rather emphatically that we need to develop good emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize what is going on in our hearts and channel it for good. The fear in men (largely because of the brain’s wiring) is tapping the realm of the fealings will make us vulnerable … or at least make us look sissified. The movie’s message is in line with Daniel Goleman’s work on emotional intelligence, that not learning how to channel the currents of our hearts, by default, makes us vulnerable … vulnerable to being swept away by our emotions. The inability to recognize them means they will clip us from behind, and the inability to channel or discipline them means they will get us fired … or killed.

No, there is no substitue for character development … and for Christians godly character development. Both Cole and Hitch had good character. Can anyone name the last Hollywood movie that glorified loyal friendship … loyal to the point of turning down an easy sexual score, as Hitch had done out of loyalty to Cole? However, the movie’s contention, which I agree with, is that even the best of character in men can be derailed by the freight train of emotional un-intelligence. Stuffing the emotions instead of taming them will cause your heart to be swallowed up, much like an appaloosa catfish swallows everything in its path.

Maintaining Boundaries and Self Respect As Love for Others

Typically when we think of loving others in mature ways, selflessness comes to mind. Is it possible, though, that some acts of “love” that appear self-sacrificing may actually be damaging to our loved ones … and may actually be self-gratifying?

You may need a minute to re-read the above statement.

Now that you’ve re-read the above statement think of all you do for others. Surely self-sacrifice for the betterment of others is at the heart of Christian, cross-centered love. But what if our supposed self-sacrifice is really propping up damaging behavior in the objects of our love? I’m thinking of continuing to put up with addictions in our loved ones. Continuing to nurture, protect, and provide for them seems the only natural thing to do out of love for them. Other behaviors, besides addictions, come to mind, such as allowing physical and emotional abuse.

Yet, continuing to allow these behaviors unchecked is not self-sacrificing for them. It is propping up bad behavior. Often times this is done not out of good will, but out of a sense of emotional neediness and a weak heart.

Paul writes in his letter to the Romans, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (12:18; ESV). In the case of misguided love and emotional-neediness, these unfortunate souls have gone far past the boundaries of “so far as it depends on you.” They are attempting to carry the responsibilities of others. While this might seem loving, it is a well worn experiment in atrophy. If you don’t use it, you lose it. In this case if people don’t grow in responsibility, they increasingly lose not only the desire but also the ability to be personally responsible.

Drawing personal boundaries and practicing self-respect is actually fertilizer for strong love for others. For an excellent discussion in this all-important area, please consult James Dobson’s classic, Love Must Be Tough.

True Relational Connectedness Trains Us to Connect with Future Success

We value many skills in our society, as we do in our churches. Yet, there is one skill that I believe goes unrecognized … until it could be utilized but lies dormant. That is the skill of relational connectedness.

Now it is relatively easy to be “connected” to someone no matter what they say and do to us. After all a good many well-meaning, but internally weak people live in co-dependent relationaships every day, propping up their significant other … when the best thing for that much needed person is a good rendezvous with the brick wall of reality.

No, the connectedness I am writing about is not the “ability” to emotionally need the other. Such an “ability” is actually a disability to be a healthy self. Rather the connectedness I speak of is the ability to remain in relationship because I choose to … not because I need to do so. I choose to love this person … or this church … though at times they drive me absolutely crazy.

You see, it’s really easy to say I love you because you make me feel good (and because I can’t exist without you). Yet, it takes the love our our Triune-God: Father, Son & Spirit, to transform us and empower us to love one another and be relationally connected though at this particular time I receive no personal benefit from this relationship.

In actuality such a person does in the long run receive benefits. Character development may not feel good now, but it certainly empowers people to navigate all manner of situations later in life. That is one benefit that is priceless.